I used to work with the public, people thought nothing of saying things to me
like, “Oh my God, there’s nothing to you. I bet you don’t even eat!” “If you
turn sideways, you’ll disappear.” “Wow, you are so skinny, you must be anorexic.”
(I wanted to say, “Wow, you’re so rude. You must be…a cunt!) I don’t recall any
witnesses who were offended by the slew of insults I was forced to swallow (and
regurgitate, because, that’s what skinny people do). Nor do I recall any
advocate groups rushing to the defense of this badgered, bony banker. Would
these people ever go up to a fat person and be like, “Holy shit you’re HUGE!
You must have sleep apnea—and really chafed inner thighs”? Of course, they
wouldn’t because that’s not “politically correct”, but somehow, berating a
stranger for not having a cruise-ship-buffet-body is.
I’m not saying people should be made fun
of or treated poorly; I’m saying it’s hypocritical to be vindictive towards
people of below-average size yet protective of people of above-average size.
Overeating and anorexia are both eating disorders, but one is coddled and
sympathized with; the other is Tori Spelling. And for the record, I’m not
contradicting myself here because, I’m not picking on Tori for her size, I’m
picking on her because she seems like a vapid, materialistic mooch who thinks
her kids are photo ops rather than actual people.
why do obese people get a free pass? Why do average sized people have to sit
back and take it when bombarded with insults for not being fat, but an
activist group is formed any time there’s a supposed fat-shamer on the loose? There’s
special parking and free healthcare for obesity, but how many times have you
seen an anorexic person pull into a handicap parking spot at the grocery store?
(Ok, maybe that’s a bad example since they probably don’t buy groceries)
And God forbid anybody criticize a fat
person for their poor health choices (especially when they pass them onto their
children) or you’ll be labeled cruel, unsympathetic, mean, and worst of all,
skinny (ouch, that stings…maybe because I don’t have enough meat on my bones to
absorb the hit). Isn’t it “mean” to feed your kids shitty food all their lives
and not teach them about proper nutrition so they don’t have hypertension,
diabetes, and irritable bowel by the time they’re 12?
Going through life as a scrawny female
with fun bags that are more like tea bags hasn’t been a picnic (especially
since picnics involve food and apparently, according to most fat people, skinny
people don’t eat)—but I certainly don’t expect special treatment because of it.
Do you know how humiliating it is to look like an X-ray in a tube top when you
go to the beach? Until I discovered razors, my arms looked like brown
angora-coated toothpicks. But nobody worried about my feelings when pointing
out all these revelations to me. “Oh my God, thank you for telling me! I had no
idea my Auschwitz-esque upper body wasn’t a turn on.” Thank God for honest
strangers otherwise, I’d be walking around with a sassy look on my face and my
hand on my protruding hip declaring, “I’m fine yo! Haters be frontin’” just
like my plus-size counterparts. Oh wait, I couldn’t do that because then I’d be
a stuck-up showoff rather than a confident hero of people who probably eat too
many heroes. A heroes’ hero.
love when fat comics do a bit about their weight and always have the cliché
about the “skinny bitch” friend who goes to lunch with them and wants to smell
their food because the “miserable” skinny bitch doesn’t eat; she lives
vicariously through her “live life to the fullest” happy-as-a-clam (wrapped in
bacon) chubby pal. I’m not offended by the skinny bitch term but it’s
unoriginal and expected. It doesn’t pack the punch that it used to when comics
started saying it 30 years ago. However, everybody in the audience howls with
laughter and does the “good for you” fist-raise to express their approval.
Well, they attempt to raise their fists in approval but many of them are
excessively large, and attempting such a motion could cause great rotator-cuff
damage and shortness of breath.
It’s getting old hearing large women brag
about how fantastic their bodies are and that they’re “real.” I’m so sick of
the rhetoric: “Real women have curves. Men want something they can grab
onto.” Um, isn’t that what my throat is for? I guess I’m a pretend woman
because I don’t have enough rolls on my body that can be renamed curves to make
me feel better. Would it be acceptable if I said, “Real women have
visible rib cages”? Or, “Real women can control their cholesterol without
medication”? Or, how about, “Real women don’t grunt when pooping”? How about
saying, “Real women come in all shapes and sizes and nobody is better than
anybody else because of their ability to lose a pair of panties in their ass.”
I’m petite but I have areas of my body
that curve. Can I now run around bragging to everybody that I’m so sexy and
curvy? I think not. How about being humble regardless of your size and not
criticizing people who happen to have the opposite weight problem if you’re not
willing to take criticism about your own? Society (i.e. delusional millennial
feminists) encourages overweight women to exclaim how proud they are of their
bodies, how happy they are with their curves, how sexy they are for having
something to grab onto—and everybody cheers them on no matter how obnoxious
they are. But if a thin woman were to exclaim how pleased she is with her body,
or that she thinks she looks fabulous, people would criticize her for being a
conceited bitch (because she is! Who the heck likes a braggart?)
In almost every issue of the tabloids,
there’s a picture of Tara Reid’s spine. The picture caption is always a
hurtful, insulting remark about how thin she is, but it’s always followed with
a comment implying concern for her health. Really folks? Are you really
concerned for her health? Is she having trouble breathing? Wiping? Walking? Ok,
walking maybe—but that seems more booze related than weight related. Meanwhile,
one of the biggest stars (pun intended) to come onto the scene recently is Chrissy
Metz. I don’t think she deserves to be made fun of but I do think if we’re
going to purport to be concerned about a celebrity’s health, perhaps she’d be a
good candidate. Instead, everybody ignores the elephant in the room (pun not
intended) and gives her that “good for you” bullshit. I didn’t know that
building somebody’s self-esteem could unclog arteries, reduce your risk of stroke,
and take pressure off of your knees.
I have some very overweight friends, I
have some average-size friends, and they’ve all made insulting remarks about my
physique. I’ve never done the same to them (I usually just insult their careers
or love lives). People have always commented on my appearance, and continue to comment,
but it doesn’t matter. Here’s the bottom line: I don’t care if you say stuff
about skinny people. But, if weight is not an equal opportunity topic, maybe
instead of spitting out your rude thoughts, you should eat your words (after
you deep fry them and dip ‘em in high-fructose corn syrup).