The Dirt on Clean Comedy
I write this comedy blog because I was kindly asked to, not because I purport to be an expert on anything (except mocking Kim Kardashian on Twitter and losing at least one follower a week). The point is I’m simply sharing my opinions on comedy. Does that mean I’m right? Yes, of course. But it doesn’t make me a “full-blown” expert. An expert is “a person who has special skill or knowledge in some particular field”. A full-blown expert is “a person who has special skill or knowledge in some particular field who has received fellatio to completion”. Duh.
There’s an annoying view about comedy that only clean jokes can be smart and funny. First of all, any joke, whether clean or dirty, can be smart and funny… as long as it’s written by a Jew. Secondly, I’m not a Jew but as a comedian, I’ve been mistaken for one on several occasions (not for my joke writing but for my lack of any athletic ability). In addition to touting clean jokes as smarter, many also say dirty or edgy jokes are an “easy laugh”.
How is it easier to get a society full of uptight, politically correct, personality censors to laugh at a joke outlining the hypocrisy of religion versus a joke about how women are smarter than men? Am I right ladies? (Insert image of male comic pandering to females in the audience with a contrived subservient delivery, or a smug housewife comedian with hand extended, palm facing upwards).
How is a joke about your wife yelling at you for using the “fancy” towels (oh boy, is he in trouble now…what’s this silly fella going to say next!) smarter than a joke that ties childhood obesity into fuel economy? (RIP Greg Giraldo).
Similarly, saying something gross or shocking that has no wit to it just for the sake of saying it usually isn’t funny either.
If I work with another slightly overweight, generic white guy who calls his wife “the boss” (if she didn’t write “Born to Run”, she ain’t the boss) who smirks with delight after “killing” (unfortunately not himself) with a set that included a medication side-effect joke and a “kooky” story about his 3 year old, I’ll probably take a Viagra, then call Angelina Jolie instead of my doctor (yuk, yuk, yuk) and jerk off on the decorative pillows.
I’d rather get a lukewarm reaction doing jokes that are real to me than get raucous laughter doing jokes that play to the bland simplicity of the majority. I’m not saying that all clean comedy is safe and generic. Jim Gaffigan is a perfect example of a clean, non-edgy comic who is hilarious, original, and clever. And I’m not saying all edgy comedy is unique or groundbreaking. What I’m saying is I used to have a crush on Steve Perry—and although he was a straight-laced singer, it made me feel very dirty inside (that’ll teach me for not rinsing that cucumber first).
When I work with clean comics, I don’t preach to them that being politically incorrect is better. I don’t toot my own horn (unless I’m really lonely and “Emanuelle” happens to be on in the background). Yet, often times they feel compelled to explain to me how they’re style is the “right” style, and how the bookings are better when you work clean. This usually includes a story about the thousands they make doing cruises and corporate gigs.
Somehow making money while trapped with a bunch of *cafones in Flip Flops who refer to a floating buffet as classy is not my idea of making it (but working in mildew-smelling basements and mirrored banquet rooms is). I also have no desire to tell lighthearted jokes about the crazy drivers in (insert your city name here!) before Stan gives his presentation on the benefits of presentations.
I don’t dislike clean comedy. I dislike clean comics who think they’re on a higher plane…and who do jokes about planes. It’s all about being funny regardless of what your style is. Don’t think you’re better than me because you didn’t have any racial inferences in your act. I don’t think I’m better than you because I did. If you’re regularly giving unsolicited advice, maybe it’s not because you’re trying to convince somebody else that your right, maybe it’s because you’re trying to convince yourself you are.
*Cafone is an Italian word (pronounced ga-vone).
Happy
Every time I go to my car mechanic, he says to me “you’re always smiling; you’re always so happy”, and I say, “Yeah, I always pretend to be happy”—and then he comes out from behind the counter like a big, cuddly predator on parole and says “give me a hug” (as he “adjusts my headlights”…that’s common practice, right?).
Read the rest of this entry »
Hoarders
If you’ve never watched the show Hoarders, DON’T! You will become addicted. You will start hoarding episodes on your DVR that force other recorded shows to be buried deep within the saved shows list. As you watch the episodes, you will find they are so intriguing that you just can’t delete them even though you will never watch them again (or even remember that you have them).
Charity by Proxy
Isn’t it wonderful that large grocery store chains have huge cardboard boxes at the exits for customers to make food donations? “Please drop your canned goods here to help feed the hungry.” How generous and caring of a facility that houses, sells, and profits off of food to allow customers to buy it, and then turnaround and donate it in the very same building that originally owned the merchandise to begin with.
Fattitude
Why do overweight people get a free pass? For some reason society has taken such pity on overweight people that we just sit back and take it when they want to bash anybody who doesn’t share “their struggle”. And God forbid anybody criticize a fat person or you will be labeled “cruel”, “unsympathetic”, “mean”, and worst of all “skinny” (ouch, that stings…maybe because I don’t have enough meat on my bones to absorb the hit).
Footprints in the Carpet
Please don’t invite me to your home and then tell to remove my shoes. You’re basically telling me “my floor is more important than your comfort. I don’t care if you get crap all over your bare feet, but I do care if you get crap all over my incredibly easy-to-clean hardwood floors and stain-resistant carpet.”
How uptight do you have to be to obsess about the cleanliness of something that is meant to be walked on in the first place? How about instead of requiring guests to remove their shoes, just give them wings when they walk in so they can float around your house to avoid contact with anything.
